So, I went to this conference called New Staff Training!
And it was really good. Mostly because I was around a lot of people who love Jesus and have similar callings, but also because God was really leading me gently. Jesus really is gentle and humble in spirit.
So one of the last things God was talking to me about was calling things unclean that He has made clean. And when I felt Him asking me to think about what I was calling unclean, my mind immediately started trying to find groups of people from whom I was shrinking back or distancing myself. I was trying really hard to figure it out, when God brought to mind my own thoughts earlier in the day. It was me!
There are parts of me I wish weren't the way they are; I wish I weren't so excitable because it makes me seem childish. I wish I weren't so impulsive because I can seem irresponsible. I wish I weren't so loud because I frequently talk too much. I wish I weren't a lot of things God put in me. But I need refining, not pruning, in these areas.
And it really isn't right of me to wish I weren't a way God made me. Because He doesn't make mistakes. I do sometimes get so worried that I'll cling to my personality and not let God change me (sometimes I irrationally fear He'll turn me into some sort of prototyped christian doll).
But really, I understand that that's not where I am. And I do allow myself to get wrapped up in wishing I were a lot of things I was never meant to be. And it's good for Him to tell me to stop it. :)
It all boils down to Him. Love.