I mean, what else is going on in my life?
As our little bit gets more and more active and we get closer and closer to February (tho I think he's coming in March), I contemplate all of the information I'm receiving from various sources on parenting and what's best.
What a lot to wade through! Weaning, co-sleeping, introducing solids, scheduling, diapering, when to have subsequent children... all of what I'd planned on doing is still up in the air, as more and more information leads to more and more options.
And, as the time draws nigh (okay, we have several months, but they're several busy, busy months!), I wonder if I'll even have the courage to make decisions and follow through with them, even if there's pressure from family members to do it another way.
How do other moms navigate those things? I feel like it was a big step to decide we wanted a midwife and a homebirth, and we definitely met some resistance. All our parents and family members are very, very well-meaning, and I don't think we'd be undermined in our wishes by either families. But for some reason, I still feel pressure to do things the way they were done with us when we were children. Maybe that's not even being felt on their sides; it could very well just be my own insecurities. Does this get better? Or, heaven help me, worse? Eek!
But I have so enjoyed my little active boy. He was ricocheting from one side of my uterus to the other this morning. THUMPthump...THUMPthump... over and over on a tilted axis of my upper right to lower left. Hope it doesn't hurt him to hit his head like that. I'm not sure of this, but he seems really strong for only 23 weeks - he wakes me up with his exercises at night and in the morning, and I can see him kicking on the outside, not just feel it when I put my hand on my tum. I'm just thankful he can't yet reach my ribs! Although I'm nervous it means he'll be like me in temperament, instead of like my placid husband. I guess that's just one more thing I have to let go of - letting our baby be exactly who he is, and not hoping for a tiny copy of my husband.