BUT WEEEEE'RE READY! Ahem, as ready as we're gonna get, I mean. I would feel more comfortable if we had some semblance of a name picked out. :-) But I suppose that's what makes life fun - not knowing until you're required to. And by fun I mean fun if your personality is like mine.
I am nervous about laboring without any medication. I'm not normally the type of person to willingly make myself uncomfortable. Under any circumstances. But my hope is that I will discover that this body God gave me is not "a lemon," that it can do one of the most important (to me) things it's supposed to do: make babies and birth them. I'm not sure this will result, but I'm hoping it'll help me turn another corner on this whole seeing-myself-accurately thing.
I'm glad we're having a boy this time, because I don't feel ready to lead a girl in how to navigate America. But I would like sometime to have a girl, and I'd also like to feel more freedom in being who I am, inside and out. The truth is, this body ain't so bad; it takes times like being hugely pregnant for me to realize that my non-pregnant body's actually pretty great. I can dance around and walk well and quickly. I can sleep on my stomach and my back. I may not be graceful, but my body generally does what I ask it to. And there are plenty of times I really do feel attractive and like my body. I don't want to get back in the habit of putting it down just because it's not a size two and only skin, bones, organs, muscles, tendons, and ligaments.
I know I won't be back in my normal jeans the day after he arrives (I've gained enough weight to KNOW that it's not all from Little Bit), but I don't care (for now). I just can't wait to be able to sleep on my stomach again, and not have my ribs aching all day. And, relatively soon after, to have my stomach not be the first thing people see as I round the corner! I know I'm vain, but at least I'm honest about it. In the meantime, you can pray for me. ;-)