25 November 2011


So yes, I watched Breaking Dawn with some friends Sunday night. And I'm not saying Bella + Edward = my idea of what love should be, so let's all just calm down, take a deep breath, and unclench our fists.

One thing Stephenie Meyer does know (and I think portrayed well) is motherly love. I mean, it's not a rational thing. Or, rather, it's trans-rational. It's not irrational; it has its own logic. This "I can do this" babbling aside, of course Bella is willing to risk her life, to die, to give her baby life. As a mom, it's kind of an "of course." I know I would die any day of the week for Ezra. And I undergo annoyance, pain, exhaustion, frustration, limitation and constraints I never thought I would be able to bear because I love him. I am willing (beyond what I honestly thought possible for how selfish I am) to sacrifice my life because... because Ezra... is. He doesn't have to do anything. He just is. And it's enough.

Stephen and I were talking about experiences we wanted to have before we died. And almost all of them (I think there was one exception) involved our future children (for me, at least). There's just something about being with Ezra that is wonderful (except when it sucks, of course). But he is wonderful. And he's not even trying. I cannot think of being able to talk about Jesus with him without tears welling up in my eyes. I cannot wait to have him as a brother as well as a son. What a beautiful life God has given me. What an amazing day that will be.

This is so helpful for me to be able to understand the Lord's logic. Why does He do what He does? I think of His mother-heart (as well as His father-heart; I'm just not a father, so don't get your knickers in a twist), and lots more makes sense. Yes He delights in me; yes, His mercies are new every morning; yes, He really does always want to spend time with me. Of course He binds up the broken-hearted. Of course He won't snuff out the smoldering wick. Of course He (gleefully) tramples the enemies of His children. He's the original mother and the perfect one. 
Help me accept Your love more and more, Lord. I want to be just like You.

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