27 January 2012


So, Ezra is ten months, three weeks, and 3 days old. And he's still almost exclusively breastfed. Really, I think it's mostly my laziness combined with my always-changing schedule. Nursing is so much easier than preparing foods for him to try, putting him in his little seat, and watching him throw them at Django (we've had to start separating them so Ezra actually attempts to eat and Django doesn't get fat). He refuses purees (which is fine), and often meal times are squish-this-item-and-smear-that-item times.

I know food under 1 is just for fun, but he's still just not that interested in food. Dr. Attachment-Parent (oh, you know, that guy) says babies will eventually start "mooching" off your plate, and that's when you know they're ready to try food. Well, E's come up to see what we're doing as we eat, but any time I hand him a piece of food, it goes from one hand to the other, back to the first hand, and then gets dropped as he toddles off in search of more interesting toys.

He'll eat things like whole grain crackers and yogurt melts, but I'd like for him to eat real foods and, you know, vegetables and such. It's really not so bad, and I'm sure he'll be eating plenty of foods before I know it, but sometimes I start feeling like I'm never gonna be able to leave him for more than a few hours for the rest of my liiiiiiiiife!
...ahem. I start feeling a little trapped. So, you brilliant mommas, you. Any advice?

26 January 2012

Mini Garden Time!

I just planted some seeds for a teensie garden. I've been wanting to do a real garden, but the start-up costs seem prohibitive. I know it's not really all that much, but I'm not positive I'll stick with it, and we're running a very tight ship around here to save for bringing home a very important person. So $15 is plenty to spend for now!
I just put cilantro, lettuce (green leaf - Stephen's fav), chives, broccoli, and rosemary to germinate. I picked those because we eat them all the time and I could feasibly plant them now. Hopefully we'll at least get some herbs to use and recoup what we spent, maybe?

I've got them indoors in a cheapy little plastic greenhouse seed-germinating-peat-pallet-thing (I'm sure the actual name for it is much shorter). If any of them sprout, I'll take pictures. The packets promise they will, but I'm skeptical. I started to take a picture of it now, but it would essentially be a picture of dirt. So... yeah.

24 January 2012

Great Opportunity

Hey! I'm sharing the opportunity to sow into some adoptions - not mine, but others! Adéye has an awesome giveaway up with almost $1,000 in gift cards up for grabs, and all you have to do is give at least $10 to one of the adoptions she has posted. All of these families love Jesus and their to-be children. So hop on over and bless some brothers and sisters in Christ!

23 January 2012


Sorry I've been so m.i.a! With the beginning of the semester craziness and Ezra getting sickysickysick (and waking up 5-7 times a night, and busting his lip open on Saturday), I've been either running around or comatose. Or both (if you see me on the road, be a little more vigilant than normal. I'm trying to be careful; I'm just really tired).

I'm gonna leave the giveaway open until Friday to give some of the people who liked my Facebook page but didn't put a comment on the blog about it. But it looks like those who've entered have a really good chance of winning! ;)

I want to keep posting; I'm just soooo sleeeeepy.

12 January 2012

Let There be Light

Since we've been planning to adopt (or since I've been planning and Stephen's been praying, wink wink), there's been a shift in my heart. And not a good one.

Generally, my disposition is naturally self-confident. I never really worried (excluding a few bad nights) about being a good parent to E. And once he was here, it just felt so natural. I feel very comfortable that, no I'm not the best mom evvvar, but God gave Ezra to us with His blessing and knowing who we are.

For some reason (I think maybe because of the process of having to be approved by so many different agents), I don't feel that way. I wasn't afraid to have Ezra. Sometimes I was nervous because, let's face it, going from not-parent to parent is a huge, huge step. But I always felt confident about this being something I was "good enough" for because I had the Lord.

Apparently, I don't believe that applies this time. Which, rationally, is stupid. But I'm so afraid. I'm afraid we will be judged unworthy and we won't get to parent our child. I have cried many times in the face of this fear. It bullies me. The way I've coped with this fear is by placing myself under judgment. I think I believed that if I could scrutinize myself in the way I thought those who will scrutinize me in the future, I will achieve some sort of control over this situation. Even if it leaves me failing miserably and completely hopeless.


Well, this year is not going to be that way. I plead! So the word for this year is freedom. I was pretty good at freedom in years' past. I want to regain lost ground and grow more. There is always more freedom to be had in Jesus. It's easy to take on the yoke of responsibility for things that actually should be His. Raising funds for the adoption is actually not my burden. The yoke God has appointed for me is to walk with Him in obedience. If I take His steps for me day by day, He will raise the funds. I don't need to freak out about this. It's as out of my hands as when Ezra was being knit together in me. I can only fail. He can only work everything for our good because we are called according to His purposes.

11 January 2012

Newborn Pics

Just a thought: wives, do your husbands not get newborn pics? I always show Stephen cute cute newborn pics when I run across them, and he always says something like, "huh." When I've been cooing and squealing over, let's face it, 6-8 pounds of pure, squishy, sleepy cuteness.

I know it's true that babies get cuter as they get a little older (which is what he invariably says when I invariably tell him he's no fun), but look at these babies! I mean, come on!

New Etsy Store and GIVEAWAY!

So I've launched the Etsy store to sell items I've made to help raise funds for our adoption. YAY!
So to celebrate, I'm giving away one of my Happy Happy Pink scarves:
Please only look at the scarf.

and a Tough Girl ParaCord bracelet in teal!
No, you don't have to look at a close-up of my wrist.

There are a few ways to enter:
1. Go to my Etsy and tell me which bracelet (or scarf) you like best. I know, it's pretty egomaniacal. Teehee (or would it be muahaha?).
2. Give at least $5 to our ChipIn and leave a comment telling me you did so.
3. Like my Facebook page and leave a comment telling me you did so.
4. Leave a comment telling me your favorite color (because I love Elf and Christmas wasn't so very long ago).

Ta-da! The giveaway will be open until Sunday, January 15th!

Oh, and College Station friends, you don't have to pay shipping! Just let me know you want something made and I'll make it for you!

10 January 2012

3 Years!

It's been three years and a day since this:
It was a wedding rehearsal

And three years minus a day since this:
On our way to Costa Rica!

And the past few years have felt (mostly) like this:
On top of a mountain - LT '09
Stephen and I were joking last night - do we say, "here's to three more wonderful years? Here's to thirty? I mean, how does this work?" Anyway, I'm glad I'm married to the love of my life. So here's to you, my hot stud!
Stephen IS The X-Man

08 January 2012


You know what? America can be really stupid. I mean, I don't want to come off like a jerk, but... oh, I don't care; I probably will.

This whole American Dream thing, this whole "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps" and "you can do anything if you believe and try hard enough" thing sometimes makes me angry. Very angry. Because, first of all, it's stupid. Humans have limitations. I will never qualify for the Olympics and I don't think I ever could have. I honestly don't think I could have passed college physics, no matter how much I studied or was tutored. My brain just doesn't work very well in that area.

The thing about saying that in America is people will assume I'm selling myself short when, honestly, I'm just being factual. It's stupid to say I could make an A in a college physics class because a horse has about the same chance of making an A in college physics, or qualifying for the Olympics for that matter. It's foolishness to believe that anyone can do anything if they believe they can and try hard enough.

But there's something more sinister in it. Or at least more worrisome. Americans have a hard time really actually believing that they NEED Jesus. That they can't get to Heaven by trying to be a good person. In fact, they balk when you admit that you aren't a good person. But none of us is. In my nature, I'm a bad person. I'm selfish and I want what I want and I don't really care about what you want or need unless it makes me feel good to do so. [and please, don't try to argue with me about this; I promise that I know myself better than you know me. I live with me all the time.]

I know that I'm a particularly selfish person, so don't feel like you have to agree with me on everything. I just mean, if we believe what the Bible says about sin, we cannot possibly believe that we are good people on our own. But it took me a really long time (20 years, in fact) to see that I couldn't turn my own life around. And when I don't rely on Jesus, I fall into the same sins (maybe to a lesser extent on the outside, but the heart is what matters). When I don't submit myself to the Holy Spirit, I'm still rebellious in my heart; I'm still a liar, a critic; I'm lustful, hateful, and incredibly selfish. In short, I fail. I'm a failure.

But that is the beauty of my God. His power is made perfect in my weakness. The faith that I have is not reliant on things I do or do not; it trusts that He will complete the good work He began in me. I have no bootstraps to pull on. No matter how hard I try, I cannot transform myself into Christ-likeness. I cannot make myself be good (or not for very long at all). But I don't have to rely on myself. Thank God!

So America, get over yourselves. You're hindering the Gospel.

06 January 2012

Ten Months and a New Year

A serious new year's post is a-brewing... For now I'll just say I enjoyed New Year's Eve by getting my husband back from a conference and kissing goodnight right at 12:01. :)

Look at our big boy!

I think he's really starting to look like a little (little) boy! He feels so big when I carry him around, but when I look at him walking, he's such a tiny tyke! Now that he's up all the time and moving around (and now that his six teeth are really showing), sometimes it's hard to remember that he's not a little older than he is. I do worry a little since he hasn't gained any weight in two months, but he looks pretty healthy.

He has such a lovely, sunny disposition. He's quite the charmer, flirting with anyone at all (as long as he isn't too tired and they don't get in his face too quickly). He's very busy, and sometimes we have some trouble making him hold our hands when he's walking on new surfaces. He wants to do it himself, but he ends up with knots and bruises on his head (which you may be able to see above).

Stay tuned for an exciting Etsy-store-grand-opening giveaway!