13 October 2012


Okay, it's kind of hot today, but still... the seasons are changing (as much as is does in Texas). I don't know why, but this time of year (and when "winter" changes to "spring" - these terms are probably not accurate to anyone who has a real fall or a real winter), I always get... weird. Like a snake as it sheds its skin, I get a little cranky. A little skittish. A little tender. A little restless (okay, a lot restless). I NEED MY FREEDOM! I need to be able to leave at 4am to go... somewhere. Who cares where? I don't even want to know where, just away, by myself. I need to sing old songs and watch the sun rise over the dash of my car.

Obviously, this is not a thing that can happen. I have a family and a job and those who would be very concerned if i just wasn't there one morning. It's not that I don't love my life; I just want to be able to leave it without notice every once in a while. [yeah right.]

I won't ever do it, but I'm glad I have this feeling twice a year. It drives me to searching. You know how C.S. Lewis talks about yearning? I'm glad I still yearn for things I can't have now. I'm glad it takes me right to the Person I need to be searching for all the time. I'm glad it makes me pursue freedom (the internal kind) since I can't slough off my responsibilities. Even if I don't get to "up and leave" my situation ever again (ouf, that's hard), I certainly can shed parts of old me - the parts that don't fit on the new woman I am. It's already cracking and peeling away anyway.

I believe I can emerge from the other side of October fresh, pink, and new. You do great things, God.

1 comment:

  1. that feeling of restlessness can be SUPER irritating... for me at least. i just feel so emo whenever it hits. i like the thought of letting it push me toward Jesus, though.