I don't know how many posts during this time will be just like this... Oh well! If I'm gonna be 100% honest, this blog is more for me than it is for you (though you're important, I promise!).
Some days I'm doing really well. Actually for the most part of most days I'm doing well. Some things just get my heart in a twist, like pictures of African kids (if you need someone to cry with, come over and bring a picture of an African baby. It's foolproof.), when people describe longing, things like that. Sometimes I think I need to get this crying thing under control, or I'm gonna scare my kids or something.
I've never been a "rock" - someone you can count on to be strong and persevere and such. I don't usually mind. But it does make waiting (waiting for months) difficult. It's not the same waiting as being pregnant and waiting for your baby to come. There is no due date, I see no progress. It's just day after day. I can't rely on anything else but God.
It's been quite eye-opening! I am glad God is using this. I am. Sometimes. ! Well, what can you do but be honest? Of course I wish we could travel and bring home our child tomorrow. Of course I do. Of course I want to know if s/he's okay right now. And how long will it be till I know her/his name and see my child's sweet face. And of course, I just don't know. I can't. You, God, you're so crafty. He knows I can plan the faith right out of my life, so He chucks me out of driver's seat and stuffs me in the trunk. I suppose if I refuse to let You drive, Lord of everything, it's exactly what should happen.
Still, I hate waiting.